Technology and its effect on relationships

Technology is at the heart of our lifestyle. It has changed the way we communicate in our everyday life. We now type emails instead of letters, sent instantly. We text instead of call and instead of meeting face to face we use video calls and face time.

In the past when we dated we used to get dressed up and head out to different places to meet people. Today we don’t have to leave the house. A lot of people are using technology to find love because it’s as easy as swiping right if you like the look of someone. There’s a lot of sites that cater for people who are looking for love but how is this technology effecting our relationships?

Every person has a preconceived expectation of what it’s like to be loved. Some people need to be told they are loved while others need to be hugged. Technological dating makes it hard sometimes to work out what the other person needs and can lead to issues when you finally do meet face to face so let’s look at the different ways people express and expect love sometimes.

Affection and appreciation

Does your partner respond well to loving words? If they do it might be a good idea to make that short phone call to tell them you’re thinking of them and love them. Sure it’s easier to flick them a text but going that one step further and making the call may mean so much more to them. Words of complement or appreciation also go a long way if your partner is one that responds well to loving words. Or even a gentle touch or holding their hand can express something that perhaps the heart on the phone screen doesn’t quite say in the same way.

Action

Some people would like you to show them love through your actions. This could be cooking dinner for them, giving them a relaxing massage or taking care of them when they are feeling unwell. This is one area in which today's technologies can come in handy as there are all types of apps these days to help to make things easier, cheaper and save time.

Time and attention

Sometimes all we want is for our partner to spend some quality time with us and give us their full attention. Technology can sometimes get in the way with this. Yes, you may be able to multitask but is that really quality time? Does sitting on your phone scrolling through Facebook or reading emails while having dinner or watching a movie with your partner really qualify as quality time? If this is the way your partner treats you then you may need to tell them to put that phone down and spend an evening or lunch break just with you.

Giving Gifts

Some people like to receive tokens of affection as in gifts to show love. If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, then the importance of the gift is magnified. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, giving your partner not necessarily expensive gifts, but giving them thoughtful gifts will make them feel special and loved. Technology can make this easy with online shopping and you cannot save time finding the perfect gift while comparing prices and saving money.

So while technology can lead to many arguments about Facebook and scrolling between couples there is also an upside. You can find things you have in common online, share ideas about what movies to watch, text each other flirty messages and use it to communicate rather than communication breakdowns. Keep in mind yours and your partners preferences when is comes to how we need to give and receive love and keep the lines of communication flowing.

Thank you and its importance in good communication

Thank you is something that we are all taught to say from a young age. Saying thank you is respectful and polite but it’s actually much more than that. We are taught to say it when we receive a gift, or someone does something kind for us. We say it as it is a way of acknowledging what the other person did and shows we appreciate it. Sometimes we don’t say it enough to our partner and we assume the other person knows we appreciate them. This may not be the case and often in relationships it’s important to say the words in order to communicate clearly.

As a response to criticism

Often when people criticise our heart centre closes up and we don’t even want to speak to them. Sometimes though criticism may be constructive and if it is then best to take it on board. In that case you can thank them for their feedback which also serves to neutralise the situation.

When people butt in

Similarly, sometimes we may feel like telling someone to just ‘mind their own business’ when they butt in. It could be a situation where someone thinks they are being helpful by giving advice but it can be quite irritating. A simple thank you can stop unnecessary conflict. Sometimes blunt, unflattering words can give us very helpful feedback. Instead of going into defence mode if we take it on board it may be a way to inspire our future progress.

As a response when someone is being nice

Have you ever received a compliment and flicked it off rather than just saying ‘thank you?’ Have you made it sound like you did nothing special? This is deflecting the compliment and devaluing it. So in future why not simply say thank you and let it make you feel good?

Running late

The usual response for being late is an apology. This keeps the focus on ourselves. Whilst it may be stressful for you to run late it is also disrespectful for the other person. So instead of a ‘sorry’ why not thank the other person for waiting for you, for their patience and understanding. This shifts the focus to them.

Customer service

What is your response when someone complains about your product or service? Do you become defensive and try to put the blame onto the customer asking how they used the product, or if they followed the instructions properly? Would it not be better to listen to what they have to say, thank them for the information, ask for more details and thank them for the feedback? Then in a calm way you can decide how you can cement the relationship.

Grief

Perhaps another important place to say thank you is when someone comes to you in grief after a loss. Sometimes we are uncomfortable and don’t know what to say so we try to calm them reminding them they will always have the memories of their loved one. These platitudes though really don’t help much. Is it not better to thank them for trusting you enough to share their feelings with you and to hear them out?

So as you can see these two words, ‘thank you’ can have a powerful meaning to show your appreciation and open the lines of communication with others. Perhaps it would be a good idea to use them more often.