Listening is something that we do every day. However, are you a good listener? Sometimes you may find yourself interrupting the person talking or you may find that you often start talking about your own experience without first acknowledging the other person. This doesn’t make you a bad listener but there are a few things you can do to make your listening skills better. Letting others know you’re listening through your facial expressions and verbal sounds such as “Mm-hm”, is a great way to start. Also being able to repeat what they have said, practically word-for-word is also great. Something like, “So, let me make sure I understand. What you’re saying is…” is good to start with. However, there is more you can do to become the best listener for your friends and loved one when they need it.
Skills for listening
Good listening is much more than being silent while the
other person talks. Sometimes it is good to periodically ask questions that
promote discovery and insight. This is because it helps to gently challenge
their old assumptions in a constructive way. Thinks about it, just because
someone sits there and nods doesn’t mean they are actually listening, but if
you are asking questions, it will confirm that you are listening.
You should also make the conversation a positive
experience. This doesn’t happen when you are passive or critical. You should
make them feel supported. A good listening skill to have, is to be able to have
a cooperative conversation. This type of interactions, the feedback will flow
smoothly in both directions and neither party should become defensive about the
comments either of you make. Making
suggestions can be good. Some feedback provided in a way they would accept will
open up alternative paths to consider.
Different levels of listening
Not all conversations require the same level of
listening. Many conversations would benefit from greater focus and listening
skills.
It is important to make the person fee they are in a safe
environment in which sometimes difficult topics or even emotional issues can be
discussed. Perhaps clear away distractions such as your television, phone and computer.
Focus your attention on the other person and make eye-contact. Try to understand
the core what they are saying. Take up their ideas, ask them questions, and if
needed restate the issues to confirm your understanding is correct.
Sometimes it’s important to look for non-verbal cues such
as facial expressions, what feelings they may transmit, how they are breathing,
moving their hands, how they are sitting and other body language signals which
will communicate equally as important as the language they use. This may even
let you discover subconscious feelings they are not maybe even aware of at this
time.
Can you put yourself in the other person’s position and understand
their emotions about the topic? Let them know your response to this. If there
are things you don’t understand ask questions and maybe use your input to help
them to see the issue in a new light.
How it all works
All these suggestions here work together to make you a
good listener. Remember they are a different person to you and do things
differently perhaps so don’t be too pushy with your suggestions. You are their
sounding board for them to clarify how they feel and what they can do to move
forward. Hopefully when you have an issue, they, or someone else, will be able
to provide the good listening skills to assist you in your needs.
Remember that counselling and therapy are good sounding
boards for issues that often cannot be resolved in your life. This clinic
offers a range of therapies to assist you to overcome your stress, anxiety,
blockages and to reach your goals. We can help you clear away the negativity
that keeps you blocked. So why not give us a call and discuss how we can help
you today.
