Talking about death is never an easy thing to do but it’s important to teach your children that death is a part of life. It is inevitable that one day someone or something in their life will die. Bereavement experts say that it is important to talk about it with your child from an early age. You should remain honest and informative, let your children know that death is a natural part of the life cycle. This conversation is good to have even before a loved one or pet dies. Surveys have shown that parents can be reluctant to talk about death with their children of the ages between 4 and 6, even more so than talking about other hard to discuss topics such as sex, getting old, and illness.
Many
parents will feel uncomfortable talking about death because they have fears and
anxiety of their own. To help you could try to focus the conversation on
biology to start with. Giving children biological information on the cycle of
life and how our bodies work may have a positive impact on their understanding
of death. Try not to use confusing language in an effort to minimize the impact
of death, this can be detrimental and unhelpful.
Children
may come across dead animals and bugs which will cause their imaginations to
start running wild and they may create scenarios that are scarier than what
actually happened. This is why talking to the child biologically can be good because
you can talk about how the dead bug no longer moves around. From there you can
lead into how when something dies it no longer does the same things as before
such as eat, sleep and play.
Age appropriate
When
talking to children about anything it is important to keep their age in mind,
same goes for talking about death. What you say to your teenager will be very
different to what you say to your pre-schooler, Children of different ages
understand things differently the younger children will find it harder to
understand than the older children. Younger children may also find it difficult
to comprehend that death is final. The books and television programs we have
today don’t help as they may have characters that are suddenly alive again.
Between the ages of 5 to 10 it starts to become easier for them to understand
the finality of death. At this age they may start to associate pictures of
skeletons or coffins with death. This could trigger nightmares and this is most
likely when they will come to you with questions about death.
Answering
their questions is important even if you may think that the answer is obvious.
At the age of 9 or 10 through to adolescence, they start to understand that
death is irreversible on a physical level and that they one day will also die. This
can cause a lot of fear, which is why it is important to talk to them about the
fact that everyone dies and to remind them that they will likely live a long
time before dying.
Explaining death spiritually
Spiritually
you may like to give them some ideas depending on your religion or your own
spiritual beliefs. It is important to also let them know information about the
soul and what your religious books say. Sometimes this can give them comfort
especially if they have lost a grandparent or a pet. Ideas of the soul however
need to be explained carefully so that they don’t get confused. Make sure that
you deliver your messages on this clearly and easily and if you need help in
this area there are many spiritual counselors that can give you insight into
these things and how to explain them.
This clinic also does spiritual counselling and assists adults and children in their grief in coming to terms with death and dying. Why not investigate how we can help you if this is something you are grappling with right now?
